Refusing the 'Migraineur' Label: Escaping the Migraine Label Trap

Have you ever slapped a label on yourself?

We do it all the time to other people.

Aunt Sally is so smart. Uncle Fred is so grumpy. Susie is ambitious, while Jeff is lazy.

Labels, when repeated often, morph into our reality and, when heard repeatedly by others, start to form the same image in their minds as well.

So, what label have you given yourself?

Do you think of yourself as ‘the’ migraine person? The sick one, the lazy one, the unreliable one, the one who can’t hold down a job?

Or has a family member, friend, or co-worker ever labeled you?

Picture being known as "Sally, the one always down with headaches."

Whether we label ourselves or get labeled by others, it stings either way.

When Migraines Lead to Labels.

When I was in the thick of daily migraines, I unknowingly stuck that label on myself, probably before anyone else did.

I resigned to being the one always sidelined by migraines, and I started living like it was just part of who I was…always planning for and around my pain.

It was the biggest part of my life. It’s sad to say, but it was even bigger than my kids.

What I didn't realize then was that migraine symptoms, or any health issues really, didn’t have to be my story.

They were just my symptoms, not my identity.

When migraines took over, I lost myself.

I wasn't the spontaneous friend, the adventurous mom, or the passionate spouse anymore.

I became a person who just managed daily chores, with no energy left for anything that made life enjoyable.

And as I forgot who I used to be, the people around me did, too.

What Happened Next

They started treating me differently, seeing me only as the version of myself defined by migraines.

The Picky Eater: I was the one who, to my family’s frustration, avoided certain foods for fear they'd aggravate my pain, turning family meals into a stressful ordeal.
The Yawner: Often seen as bored or disinterested during gatherings, my yawns were actually indicators of my escalating pain—a fact unknown to those around me.
The Forgetful One: Chronic pain clouded my memory, making me appear disinterested when, in reality, I was struggling to remember things.
The Homebody: I frequently stayed in because I was hesitant to make plans. I was always mapping out an escape route, with phrases like “I’ll try to make it,” hinting at my underlying pain.
The Overly Sensitive: I analyzed every comment and glance, was overly sensitive to others' emotions, and often felt like I let someone down, suspecting they'd rather not be around me.
The One with Ailments: Always looking exhausted, with dark circles under my eyes, and grappling with chronic pain, my demeanor could be mistaken for anger or frustration, whereas it was a battle to stay engaged despite my suffering.
The Quiet or Grumpy One: What might have looked like grumpiness or introversion was, in fact, pain, depression, and anxiety overwhelming me. I also suffered with a sense of sadness and envy toward those who didn’t have daily pain.
The High Maintenance Personality: As someone who is Type A, admitting I needed help or support was tough. Despite my best efforts to power through independently, it didn’t always pan out smoothly, and this reliance on others was a source of embarrassment for me.

Not everything I felt was true, but it felt real enough to me.

I was labeled 'the one with migraines.'

How I Removed The Label.

As the holiday season approaches, a time when we're often spending more time with family and friends, I want to share how I removed my label and found my true identity again.

Hopefully, it can help you move past the label that pain stuck on you.

Before the family gatherings and holiday festivities start, it’s a good time to determine who you are NOW and who you want to become.

You don't have to be the person you were a decade ago, nor who you might be five years from now. Let's focus on defining who you are today.

Grab a piece of paper or open the notes section on your phone, and get ready to answer the following questions:

Identify Your Top 5 Sources of Happiness
Write down the top 5 things that bring you joy. It could be anything from spending time with your children, contemplating starting your own business, traveling with your spouse, to enjoying an early morning beach walk. Whatever those top 5 are, jot them down now.
Determine Why They Make You Happy
Reflect on why each of these 5 things brings you happiness. What about that beach walk fills you with light, or why does being with your children make you feel so vibrant and alive? Write down your reasons.
Outline What You Need to Achieve Them
For each of your top 5 happiness sources, list down what steps you need to take to make these a reality. Even if they seem far-fetched, such as ending migraines, securing more sleep, finding a new job, or increasing your income, note them down.
Set Your Goals
Now, set aside practicality for a moment and give yourself a timeline for achieving these goals. When do you wish to achieve these? It could be now, next week, by Christmas, etc. Write down your ideal timeline.
Identify Obstacles
Lastly, ask yourself what's holding you back from reaching your goals on your desired timeline. Is it financial constraints? Is chronic pain a barrier? Identify what stops you from living the life you desire. How long do you realistically believe it will take to fulfill these goals and explain why.

By breaking down your aspirations AND obstacles in this structured way, you're taking the first step towards overcoming them and living your life to its fullest.

Daily Steps to Claiming Your Identity

Now that you have a clear idea of who you are and what steps you need to take to achieve your goals, let's return to our discussion of "Identity."

When family gatherings or parties start, or when you travel to meet others, remember who you aim to be and the steps you need to take to get there.

Remind yourself daily:

You are more than your symptoms or migraines.
You are an individual eager to live life fully, with energy and passion.

Communicate with your family and friends.

Sharing knowledge empowers everyone.

Here is your action plan to get the people in your life on board:

Discuss your five main goals and your plans for achieving them.
Ask for their support and involvement, or even accountability, if you need it.

Not everyone will be supportive, but those who are will positively impact your life in a significant way.

Final Thoughts

Approach life one decision at a time to gradually make impactful changes.

Never lose sight of the person you desire to be and the steps you need to take to get there NOW!

Looking back ten years, I've overcome my label and head pain. I am not the person I was ten years ago, and I am thankful every day for that.

This label change has helped me improve not only my life but also allowed me to better understand and select how I spend my energy, which is a crucial part of self-care that helped lead me to migraine freedom.

At 55 years old, I am realizing more and more that life is short. I'm now focused on being the best version of myself, which will allow me to contribute positively to the world, leave behind pain and labels, and help others do the same.

Today, decide which of your five goals you'll focus on so you can, too, move closer to your ultimate migraine freedom.

As always, feel free to reach out if you need help.

If you’d like to learn more about our Freedom From Migraines Method, please book a free call with us!

We’ll sit down with you to discuss your current migraine status and come up with a plan to tackle the underlying issues so you can become headache-free!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Debbie Waidl is the Owner of In The Balance Health Coaching LLC, and Founder of The Freedom From Migraines Method™ & The Migraine Freedom Protocol™
She supports busy moms living with Migraines.

Debbie will uncover what is holding them back from migraine freedom so they can live their life pain and symptom free, work productively, spend the time they want with family and friends, and stop missing out on the things they enjoy.

A message from Debbie:
"I was once right where you are now. 100% believing there was NO WAY to end migraines and my only option was to learn how to live with them or find that magic pill that maybe would work for a while. If anyone told me back then that I could end my pain once and for all, I would have called BS and popped another pill!

Skeptical times 10 was my middle name for sure because when you try it all and everyone tells you they can help you and they don’t. You stop believing… you lose HOPE!

I now realize I was approaching my migraines all backward.

I was trying to cover up symptoms versus trying to end my pain."

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